Before moving in, this gay couple will have to come out

DEAR ELLIE: My same-sex partner and I bought a condo -- we move innext year. I'm worried how to tell my parents I'm in a committedrelationship. The last time we discussed my sexuality, I was 16 --now I'm 24. My parents' religious beliefs prevent them from fullyaccepting me. They're supportive and loving in all other facets of mylife, but we sidestep the topic of partners or marriage.

I'd like to win their support (maybe even their enthusiasm), eventhough they may not agree with how I live. I thought to discussthings one at a time -- first, I have a partner; six months later, webought a house. My partner hasn't even "come out" to his parents yet.

Help us keep this problem from eclipsing the excitement of havingour first home.

NEW HOMEOWNERS

DEAR NEW HOMEOWNERS: Talk about pressure on me! The excitement isfor you to maintain -- planning the move, buying furniture, etc. Butyour parents need to absorb the reality. Each of you has to talk withyour own parents in the same adult manner with which you bought thishouse. In your case, it's got to be the whole story -- no moreholding back. You know they want you to be happy, and you've foundsomeone who makes that possible. You want to live a responsible,committed life together, so you now have a solid home base.

They may be shocked, disappointed or worried about your finances;give them time to adjust. Show confidence that this is right for you.Your partner needs to be straightforward about the news his parentsmay already suspect: He's gay, he's found a loving partner, you twoare creating a stable home life. They'll need even more time todigest all this, and he should understand, but show conviction.

Both of you should introduce your families to the excellentliterature and support groups available for parents of gay andlesbian couples.

DEAR ELLIE: I'm increasingly uncomfortable about a co-worker'snegative attitude within our large office. Each time she's approachedto do work for someone, she criticizes the giver or the material.It's too short notice or not clear enough or not part of her duties.My patience is wearing so thin I'm thinking of leaving.

I'm not sure what's caused her negativity, but other co-workersare also walking on eggshells around her.

DRAINED AT WORK

DEAR DRAINED: Unlike a liquid wine, the human whine gets worseover time. And they're everywhere -- whiners, that is -- so workingelsewhere is no guarantee of avoidance. Enjoy your other co-workersand try to ignore this complainer as much as possible. When you haveto approach her, arm yourself with humor and anticipation: "Yes, it'sshort notice again, but this still needs doing and it's your turn."

If you can muster some kindness, find out if anyone knows whyshe's become this way. It may not change her, but understanding mayhelp you accept it better.

DEAR ELLIE: Is it a good idea to go to seniors' Internet sites tofind a companion? Everywhere I go there are women only; swimming,choir, book club, etc. I've been volunteering for many years and amactive but cannot even find a male friend, never mind a companion.Where are the men? Many never returned from World War II, and that'swhy so many of us are alone now. Which Internet site to choose? Thereare so many, and I don't want to give my credit card number when onehas to join for "membership." Also, they seem to be for youngerpeople.

WEARY OF OWN COMPANY

DEAR WEARY: Having just heard my cousin, at 90, say he and hisgirlfriend, 88, are in love, I know that where there's life, there'shope. So you go, girl! I won't endorse any one Internet site but I'lltell you about them: Many do boast senior members, and some seniors'associations offer networking on their sites.

I recommend you use online contacts as introductions only, and setup face-to-face meetings soon into the correspondence. But just aswith younger people using dating sites, safety is key. Don't give outyour address or phone number before meeting personally. Meet in apublic location; tell someone where you'll be and that you'll callwhen you get home. Take a cell phone along.

The American Association for Retired People, a not-for-profitorganization, provides an online community to meet people:www.aarp.org.

Tip of the Day: Parental approval of relationships comes moreeasily when a couple's maturity and conviction are apparent.

Ellie's column runs Monday through Friday. Send e-mail toaskellie@suntimes.com